The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
