So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
