I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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