I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
