Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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