dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
