i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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