Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
