I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
