I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Drunk is not a location!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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