The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Randomize
