He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize