i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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