haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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