Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
is wine microwaveable?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
