You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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