she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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