like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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