yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Princesses don't give blow jobs
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
