It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
