i just made my gag reflex go away.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
