How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
