apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
