she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize