If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
