hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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