Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
