I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
