I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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