got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
