Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
