he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize