You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
My penis needs a shock collar
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
