I'm jealous of your bromance
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Randomize
