can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
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I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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