Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
