The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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