Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm too high and old for this...
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
