YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
