I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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