TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
