I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
