i was born a porn star she said
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
