Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
