remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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