The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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