i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
