drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
