my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
