Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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