No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize