how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
