Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
MIDGETS
????
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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