she takes plan B like it's going out of style
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You were trust falling into bushes
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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