no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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