you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You brought string cheese to the strip club
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
