my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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