Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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