Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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