Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
