Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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