I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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