Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
