just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
My vagina is officially offended.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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