just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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