420 ftw
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
