If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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