Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
