I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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