an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Sorry about my life...
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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