Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize