I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
