The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
