that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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