I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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