We got so high we made milksteak
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
